The assertiveness circle

As a leader, it would be good to make it very clear within teams why we do things. Again a start with regards to the Why. A method that goes into this in more detail is the assertiveness circle. And note: this starts at the very top of an organization, and cascades down into the organization. Not by saying, “we focus on getting as much sales as possible”. No, by saying, “by doing what we do, we add value to the lives of…”. What is the vision, what makes you get out of bed in the morning?

Why: It all starts with being transparent about goals, agreements made and expectations being concreet and clear. Why do we agree to this with each other?
Compliment: When you see the behavior that you’ve agreed upon with each other, complimenting will help sustaining this. All which you consistently give attention to will last.
Feedback: When you see behavior which you didn’t agree upon with each other, it will help to give critical and constructive feedback. Make sure to have a good balance in complimenting and criticisme.
Conflict: When critical feedback is given several times whithout any results, you will need to indicate a limit is reached by confronting in conflict. There is less discussion or dialoque possible as this already has been done earlier.
Coaching: When above is still not helping, it’s time for coaching, training and guidance which will give possibilities to improve the situation.

When applying the assertiveness circle, giving feedback and having a conflict is of (great) importance. If you do this correctly, you are busy building trust within your team (as a leader). Remember Patrick Lencioni’s Five Team Dysfunctions, trust is the foundation. I also strongly recommend reading the book ‘Hoera, een conflict!’ (it is in Dutch).

---

Feedback

When we tell people to do their job, we get workers. When we trust people to get the job done, we get leaders.

Simon Sinek

A short video about trust below (approx. ~4m.):

I will continue on feedback some more because giving feedback is an art, and (sorry for my language), damn difficult. Why? Because you need to deal with feelings. You know, feelings are not tangible, it is vague, it is personal, it is ‘soft’. But feelings are always true! We all feel feelings, but verbally expressing them is a completely different story. “It doesn’t matter, the result goes above all!” or as mentioned earlier “People don’t listen to it anyway”. Note: in most cases you will express yourself non-verbally anyway, to a greater or lesser extent. See a short video below on what is important in giving (and listening to) feedback (approx. ~3m.):

It is a gift!

Ok, so giving feedback is clear. 3 steps, and then simply shut-up. Now consider, in case you would ever give feedback in this way (or if you did it this way), what was or would have been the response from the person you gave feedback to? 

Was there an immediate negative response, were people offended, was it portrayed as false? In other words, were you possibly referred to as being a ‘liar’? This is often the case. However, often this is also a human reaction. Basically, feedback is intended to make someone stronger, but this is not experienced as such. I personally blame hierarchy, but also individualism (“Why should I care about what you think / feel, I am your boss and I am right!”). For me, both are a result of today’s society, only result-oriented, no longer considering what behavior might do to others, let alone the impact it has on results. We only take ourselves into account. And this is again at the expense of the basic: Trust.

To close off feedback: all you need to do when receiving feedback is say ‘Thank you!’ And possibly indicate that you will try to pay attention to this next time. And, feedback can go in two directions: from manager to team member, but certainly and perhaps even more, vice versa!